adventures

i went on a new adventure today.

thought id try hiking...

i do live in eugene...

just like life

you think your going the right way 

but soon you find out your way off

there is no perfect way

we are just making it up as we go

its open

its another day passed

meetings and appointments all teh same

though for once i opened up

i spoke truth

the only place to go from here is to be known

some move forward while others run away fast

you want to undersand

not to face teh facts

just to move forward 

learn to let go

theres nothing to talk about

there isnt anything to really understand

sleep is unknown

rest is impossible

peace is unbelievable

love...what is love

a girl on a hill

shes found sitting on a hill listening to her headphones

blocking out all that surrounds her

finding a purpose and peace in the midst of it all

a place to escape

a place to see gods grace in all that surrounds her

shes trying to make sense of it all

looking for answers in all the wrong places

to do what she knows would look completely different than what she is feeling

where does one draw the line with what they are taught to what they know

heres to the journey of life

walls

there is always a struggle but its all in question how we will see it through

there are always walls in ones life...

we struggle to get over when some arent meant for us to get over

some are meant for our safety

though we still for the longest time try to jump over or break through

in the long run we finally realize and see its purpose, the blessing those walls are

just words

you say i love you 

but yet you walk away

you say im always here 

but when i need you the most your nowhere to be found

you say ill always care for you 

but your actions are always saying otherwise

just words i tell you

sadness

standing straight with fear over glooming her face she tells me how her husband of 5 months committed suicide.

my heart dropped and my eyes filled to the brink with sadness. 

questions of what the fuck instantly enter my mind, my heart and my soul.

how could this happen

bigger question, why would god allow a man to reach past his limits

i thought he never tempts us past our limits

the loss of a friend, better yet a loved one changes you

for good or bad

ever love something so much you never wanted to let go.

been stuck in your happy past memories and of course not being able to return

so much to want, to feel as if we need it in order to move forward.

but the past is the past,

i guess we get to choose how was use it

to be whole...

help me get over me

help me put others in my thoughts, my prayers

help me not to think of others in just a matter

but as souls here today and maybe gone tomorrow

fill me today and everyday so i can be whole once again

teach me to love like you love

teach me to learn and let go

teach me to live like you lived

teach me to forgive those that have wronged me 

teach me lord your ways above all

give me a fresh new understanding of what you want from me

there is so much in this life i do not understand

help me to not worry on the whys or hows but to stick with you

help me to be who you want me to be; nothing more or less

im running...

they are lost

they are all lost

im so stuck in my ways that i completely forget others

i put them off for my own desires

thinking there is always another day

but in all we have is today...right now

what will we do

postone? wait another minute? stand still just a little longer?

help me to run full force to the one who holds the key to real life

that i may run and not grow weary but run the race i was born to run

hanging on...

we close off those who love us

those who we think are trying to change us

but in all realities, 

they are humans just like us 

they try to love us the best way they know

they try to show us life can be better

that things dont have to stay the same

that we can move forward

that there is hope in the middle of all this confusion

its oh so hard to have trust where you feel like the world is caving in

we are constantly being taught that our past is how it is but its a lie

and soon to realize we eventually shut everyone who really does cares out. 

obedience

there are so many things i know i ought to do

ways i know to act, to be

but fear is intimidating and a force to be reckoned with

the questions isnt will it ever end but will i stay obeident to what i know...

the box

there is this box in which one lives

where we've been shaped and molded to people around us

not that its bad but in order for us to know who we are

we must expand our box

learn new thing

grow in new ways

and adapt to teh person who god created us to be

even if its not in the "box"

so here is where i lay my truth in love, 

definitly not be perfect but then again who is.

gods desire for our life

you cant live for others

you cant live a certain way because someone tells you to

you live the life god has destined for you to live

im pretty sure there is no normal

anyone in the bible never had a normal life, 

they just lived out what they knew in their soul

you live out the passions,

the desires he has put in your life 

regardless of what others say

regardless and above all, love the lord with all your heart, mind and soul. DO these things and that is where true life begins

heres to always looking back

for there is a place to be real

to not be judged

but to be understood

there are pains

there are worries

there are many unknowns

thankfully the one thing that doesn't change is christs love for us.

for this is what we must hold onto. 

Truth as it is

we come to recognize the truth to what we know, 

what we have experienced

to be backed up with facts that are undeniable

we have an idea of what things may look like

or for certain ways of things to be remembered

we make what is true for us

we eventually will learn  to choose our own way in life

we live and we grow, 

we fall down but we will get back up

the hardest parts about truth is its own-self

we each individually have our own path

we have a destiny

so heres to jumping off the side lines and jumping in